DISCLAIMER: This article is Satire (not real/meant to be comical)
On Jan. 2 there was a flooding in the Memorial Student Center (MSC). Affected areas included the Stoutonia office, Stoutfitters, other Involvement Center offices and, most significantly, the MSC Terrace (where the Fireside Cafe is). Haitch Tue Oh, a business student at Stout, decided to take some action about the incident. Her idea was to turn the Fireside Cafe into an aquatic cafe instead. Due to the flooding, the new name of this upcoming cafe will be Poolside Cafe.
“When I heard about the flooding, I thought this would be a great opportunity to use my business-like skills that I’ve developed over the semester,” said Oh. Oh is currently a second semester junior at UW–Stout with a major in construction and a minor in business administration. “The whole thing came to me when I heard about the flooding; fire plus water equals a new cafe,” said Oh.
“In the cafe will be a tiki bar, an actual pool—but like an inflatable kiddie pool, I can’t afford an actual pool—and all the food will still be the same. There will be sand too! It’s like a little part of Stout will be in Hawaii,” said Oh.
As word spread, students were concerned about more flooding in the area. Oh reassured everyone that the pool will only be filled six inches high, and the sand will only be in a four ft. by four ft. sandbox. “There won’t be any plastic shovels or buckets provided for the sandbox, use your imagination,” said Oh.
The new and improved cafe will be open this upcoming summer. What a time to be alive for the end of the year. Even better, the entire thing will be free. “Perfect for all of us poor, broke college students who are cramming our social life and studies into one and are still managing to put a smile on our face,” said Oh.
“I’m so excited to do something for our campus and putting out my creativity for the whole campus to see as well. I can’t wait to see how it all turns out,” said Oh.