Column articles go here.
Ryan Cook — Aries (March 21 – April 19) – Send all your your extra phones to the Menomonie Electronics Zone! For a limited time only, any cellular device can be exchanged for it’s full price in store credit! Offer expires on April 1st. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) – This Sunday night in…
Ryan Cook — Stating that he recently overheard a conversation you and your other friend were having about a popular contemporary issue, that one guy you know recently announced his plans to play Devil’s Advocate. He notes that everything he says will be, for the most part, irrelevant to what was originally discussed. Additionally, he…
Barbara Young — When the new campus cards, called “Blue Card” were released last year there was campus wide confusion at the card’s color. The bright orange perplexed many, but the problem has been solved. Incoming freshman and anyone looking to replace their card (for the regular fee) will receive the new “Blue Card,” and…
Ryan Cook — College students around the country have said they felt unsafe after Pro-Trump chalk drawings appeared on their campuses. Some students have called for university administrators to denounce Trump, and others say that the non-violent and simple nature of the chalk drawings makes them completely harmless. What do Stout students think? Trent Lonnsburg…
Ryan Cook — Aries (March 21 – April 19) – Now is the time to invest! Buy some stocks, get some bonds and please consider funding my band’s new Kickstarter campaign. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) – The strange buzzing sound in your ear might seem alarming, but don’t worry: the bees that have…
Ryan Cook — – It’s important to keep a level head. Take a few seconds to think about what you’re going to say before subtly vandalizing their half of the room. – Revenge only makes things worse, so try to be as passive aggressive as possible so you’re technically not doing anything wrong….
Barb Young — Melissa McCarthy may have won everyone’s hearts with her lip-sync performance on Jimmy Fallon’s show last week, but her new movie is not blowing anyone away. The comedy produced by McCarthy herself is a comedy like any other. Twenty minutes into the film I knew the film wasn’t going to be worth…
Barbara Young — I’m not sure what popular opinion on this movie is, but I’m going to come out and say it. I was bored, overstimulated and unentertained for the majority of the film. To me, the movie was a giant cluster you-know-what. There were too many elements for too many characters that audience members…
Ryan Cook — Aries (March 21 – April 19) – Your self-control will be tested this week during a class trip when an unfortunate accident at the Wisconsin Cloning Facility sends multiple copies of yourself loose around town. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) – While walking down the street, you’ll suddenly change your…
Ryan Cook — MENOMONIE, WI — As times become tougher due to budget cuts, reports show that more and more professors of Philosophy and other creative fields are being forced to illegally sell their insight on the street corners of Menomonie in order to get by. Claiming that it’s the only logical recourse to make…
By Ryan Cook — Aries (March 21 – April 19) –This week, you will inadvertently hang out with that one weird guy from your Wednesday class. The stars are sorry, but there was nothing they could do. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) –It can feel like your classes go on forever, but that’s…
By Barb Young — Deadpool is one of the first proper superhero movies to come out, in my opinion, and it’s not even a superhero movie. The film built off of the gritty TV shows Daredevil and Jessica Jones, by means of showing the audience real fight scenes, but kept the appropriate comedic air for…
By Ryan Cook — Aries (March 21 – April 19) – Don’t think anyone is fooled. Laughing loudly at your own jokes doesn’t make them any funnier. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) – You will be known for many things, but you never thought that “Person Dies After Choking On Hotdog” would be one of…
By Ryan Cook — According to multiple sources in the Menomonie area, a UW–Stout Freshman has announced that they plan on staying up all night to work on some homework that is due tomorrow. Stating that “It’s gonna be a long one tonight,” the student made sure that everyone around them was aware of…
By Barbara Young — A friend pointed out to me that I have an obsession with “bad movies.” You know, the ones that you go into just knowing they’ll be awful. For some reason watching a bad movie just makes me more happy than a good movie ever could (call it a special kind of…
By Ryan Cook — Sending waves of discomfort and inexplicable tension throughout the room earlier today, some weirdo actually responded to questions that her Professor posed to the entry-level class. Multiple times throughout the hour and a half long History period, the absolute madwoman continually raised her hand to provide responses in the…
