Cam “I Demand Attention” Parrucci – Layers of ice and snow have begun to coat nearly every street in the upper-Midwest, making visibility low, traction lower, and reducing speeds. Although this seems to happen annually in this part of the country, the people within the state seem unable to ever fully adapt to the tough…
Cam “I Demand Attention” Parrucci – Aquarius: You will be haunted by the ghosts of all of the socks you’ve lost doing laundry over the years. You’ll never get a good night’s sleep again! Pisces: It may be the middle of winter in Wisconsin, but bees will begin showing up in your room for the…
Alex Lutz – In a surprise turn of events, the Patriots are going to the Super Bowl. We were all very shocked and surprised to see them advance to the Super Bowl in overtime against the Chiefs. Yes, the team that always seems to find themselves in the Super Bowl has once again, ended up…
Evan (5 time hide and go seek champ) Thue – Well I usually start the day after pounding 8 red bulls and body slamming a refrigerator. I then head over to the gym where I run on the treadmill for 2 hours straight… with no breaks while staring at a picture of Freddie Prince Jr….
Cam “Roller Coaster Tycoon 2” Parrucci – At this point, what even is there to say? The world is on fire! Have you watched the news lately? Or rather, with our reader base of college students, have you checked Twitter lately? All the time there is stuff going on, political debates, weird memes, the world…
Bryce Parr – Teachers in the Menomonie Area School District report that students are agitated and excitable during morning classes after the closure of Rehab. “Classes used to be quiet and manageable. Students kept to themselves and didn’t cause any trouble. Now everyone is hootin’ and hollerin’ at each other like a bunch of wetland…
Logan Myhre – “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” has been a contentious film since its December 2017 release. Some critics praised it for breaking the “Star Wars” mold, while others felt that it did not accurately represent the “Star Wars” they grew up loving. University of Wisconsin-Stout sophomore Jared Wiley falls on the latter side…
Bryce Parr – A new generation of beanie-clad beer-drinkers have migrated to some of the areas surrounding the Red Cedar River. “They appear to be heavily concentrated around Zymurgy Brewing Company. and Brewery Nonic, and Lucette Brewing Company. We have been studying this herd since they arrived,” said population scientist Flatter Thurr. Scientists report that…
Audrey Tchaa – Milk. There are different types of milk. Dairy, almond, soy, cashew, strawberry, and everyone’s favorite: chocolate. Chuck Kowlick, a food science professor at University of Wisconsin-Stout recently discovered chocolate milk does, in fact, come from brown spotted cows. Kowlick goes into depth of how he made this discovery during his 15-year research…
Katie Schulzetenberg – As many are aware of, a couple of the buildings here on campus have been under extensive construction for a while now. North Hall is being completely reconstructed and as a result, students have been moved to Tainter Hall which had to be updated before they moved in. The Commons is being…
Josh Nehs – Welcome back to the University of Wisconsin-Stout, students! After a holiday season full of overbearing family, estranged friends from high school and working full-time, we here at the Stoutonia are sure you are looking to blow off a little steam. After working over break and receiving money for the holidays, your next…
Elizabeth Vierkant – Several weeks into the government shutdown, the country becoming restless. This includes the local Washington D.C. teenagers itching for a little something exciting to do. On January 22nd, fourteen students from Fortew Entee High School were found by White House employee Amanda Brock. These youths were discovered with multitudes of contraband such…
Evan (Money Man) Thue – Excitement around campus has been undeniable because of a rumor that has been flying around. It is speculated that Nutty the Squirrel, famous NBA Hall of Fame basketball player, nut enthusiast, and University of Wisconsin-Stout alumnus will be returning to campus to coach the University of Wisconsin-Stout men’s basketball team….
Evan (Taco Stand) Thue – This issue’s mascot spotlight is Blaze (Bobby) Blue Devil, a captain on the University of Wisconsin-Stout water aerobics team. Blaze is an early childhood education major and is from the land down under, not Australia though. Why did you choose to be a mascot at Stout? Same reasons as most…
Cam “Dirt is High in Fiber!” Parrucci – Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, the titular game on Nintendo Switch from the acclaimed Super Smash Bros. series, has taken the world by storm. People all over are excited to duke it out between their favorite Nintendo and video game legends. UW-Stout is no exception to the Smash…
Cam “Dirt is High in Fiber!” Parrucci Aries – The stars are at their wit’s end here, if you want to wear that awful pink fur coat, go for it, I guess. Taurus – Making that awful trade in Monopoly that cost you the game last night is only the first of many terrible trade…
