Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): There’s a difference between you doing all the work for your group project and you forcing your other group members not to do any of the work. It’s called […]

Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Please, please, PLEASE put that stupid muffler back on your car. I am literally BEGGING you. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): We all want to know how you’ve […]

Satire

Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Maybe stop trying to convince your professor to bump your “F” up to an “A” when you haven’t been to class since Sept. 9. Sometimes you just need to […]

Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): If you want your plans to become dictator of the Seven United Continents to work, maybe stop telling everybody about your step-by-step agenda. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): […]

Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): We all know you’ll never answer your phone anyway, but please—FOR THE LOVE OF GOD—do not pick it up when it rings on Sept. 18 at approximately 2:13 a.m. […]

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Satire

Scopes!

Cam “See Ya Never, Nerds!” Parrucci Capricorn: Summer is right around the corner, hopefully that tattoo of every member of KISS you got on your leg won’t get too much attention during shorts season. Aquarius: […]

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Satire

The Scopes!

Cam “My Jokes Are a Cry for Help” Parrucci – Aries – “An apple a day keeps the doctor away!” does not actually involve catapults and your doctor’s home address, no matter how hard you […]

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Satire

The Scopes!

Cam “Playlist Junkie” Parrucci Aries – The snow still stuck behind the tires of your car since the first snow is really telling of your inability to let go of things. Get over things! Get […]

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Satire

The Scopes!

Cam “I’m the Kind of Tired Sleep Won’t Fix” Parrucci Aries: You will never find true happiness. What are you going to do? Cry about it? Taurus: Despite others saying that your recent gluten-free stunt […]

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Satire

The Scopes!

Cam “I Demand Attention” Parrucci – Aquarius: You will be haunted by the ghosts of all of the socks you’ve lost doing laundry over the years. You’ll never get a good night’s sleep again! Pisces: […]