Satire

The ‘Scopes!

March 2021 Horoscopes Aries: An Alien will land in your backyard and ask for a Redbull, but you will only have one left in your fridge. Just give the alien a can of Redbull. Capricorn: […]

Satire

The ‘Scopes!

Aries: You will start a family band that will tour across America, bouncing from county fair to county fair. The band will be a success until your bass player and brother, Ted, decide to leave […]

Satire

The ‘Scopes!

The Signs As Things Boomers Hate Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Not knowing how to sew or do any woodworking because your school cut all those classes right before you were supposed to take […]

Satire

The ‘Scopes!

The Signs As What They Should Watch During Shutdown Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): 2001: A Space Odyssey. Something about you tells me that you really, really love super long and incredibly boring movies… […]

Satire

The ‘Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Bleak. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Pretentious. Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Spike’s fiancé. Aries (March 21 – April 19): Angry. Taurus (April 20 – May 20): […]

Satire

The ‘Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Everybody does not hate you. Please go take a nap. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): No one understands your obscure Warrior Cats references. Please stop. Pisces (February 19 […]

Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): How does it feel to get a Christmas gift as your birthday present? Not good I bet. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): How does it feel to get […]

Satire

The ‘Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): You’re the college-friend version of a helicopter parent. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): It’s Aquarius season! Celebrate by telling everyone that your fourth-grade essay on The Magic Treehouse […]

Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Remember Hyde from That 70s Show? That’s you. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): It’s Aquarius season! Celebrate by telling everyone you found a really good Norweigan folk band […]