The Scopes!

Cam “Dirt is High in Fiber!” Parrucci Aries – The stars are at their wit’s end here, if you want to wear that awful pink fur coat, go for it, I guess. Taurus – Making that awful trade in Monopoly that cost you the game last night is only the first of many terrible trade…

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The Scopes!

Cam “Secure the Bag” Parrucci –  Aries – For some reason, it seems as though your true calling is going to be Civil War reenactments. Good luck, I guess. Taurus – Winter has returned! Take your student loans and get a nice Patagonia jacket for the season. It’s drip or drown out here. Cancer –…

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The Scopes!

Cam “Doctors HATE Him” Parrucci Aries – Your desires to make new friends will be promptly shattered when you find out no one wants to be friends with a professional Rush Limbaugh impersonator. Taurus – Fate has determined that your lasting legacy will be the world record for the most retail store rewards accounts under…

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UW-Stout Parking Tickets More Profitable Than Tuition

Cam “Soul Calibur VI” Parrucci –  After a record year, UW-Stout’s revenue gained from parking tickets has now surpassed the money pulled in from tuition. While all students pay an excess amount in parking tickets on a yearly basis, the number remains staggering. According to Stoutonia research, the average number of parking tickets a student…

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The Scopes

Cam “Soul Calibur VI” Parrucci –  Aries – That full suit of armor you purchased won’t protect you from your closest friends talking about you behind your back, but at least it looks cool. Taurus – A major power shift will happen in the office when you come in with a “World’s Best Boss” coffee…

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College Friend Group Actually Has Drama, For Some Reason

Cam “Anyway, Here’s Wonderwall” Parrucci In a very strange turn of events, this group of college friends has found for drama and arguments to unfold between all of them. Whether it’s relationship woes, subtweeting, or random bouts of pettiness, this college group of junior has managed to maintain drama between them for years. In a…

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The Scopes!

Cam “Anyway, Here’s Wonderwall” Parrucci –  Aries – Expect major movements to be happening in your life soon, you’re going to get the world record for most KFC eaten in 15 minutes! Taurus – Finding a $20 bill on the ground won’t be as cool as you first think when you realize it was covered…

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Dorm Roommate Bringing Home a Pet Fish Awfully Bold Move

Cam “Don’t Look Me Directly in the Eyes” Parrucci –  In a sudden turn of events, freshman Becky Robinson was shocked with a wild discovery upon entering her dorm room last week. In a wild display of power in their friendship of circumstance, Robinson’s roommate had purchased and displayed a small betta fish on one…

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The Scopes

Cam “Don’t Look Me Directly in the Eyes” Parrucci –  Aries – You’ll find true inspiration in life once a year when you finally get motivated enough to write for the ‘zine some dude at a coffee shop convinced you to join. Taurus – The stars are aligning for a new motivating figure in your…

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The Scopes

Cam Parrucci – Aquarius – The stars will be aligned in the coming days to help you realize your dreams, Aquarius. It’s shame you’ll be mauled by a bear and stuck in a coma before it happens. Pisces – Remember, anything you find without someone’s name written clearly on it is now yours. Yes, especially…

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100% of UW-Stout just wants to go back to bed

Cam Parrucci– After what has been a no-doubt difficult spring semester for the UW-Stout student body, a recent study was conducted on campus with shockingly conclusive results: all 100% of the UW-Stout campus population of students, staff, and professors just want to go back to bed. Junior and graphic design major Tim Nelson told Stoutonia,…

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The Scopes

Cam Parrucci– Aries – Unfortunately, the stars have determined what your last words will be. A heroic and brave: “Where’s my hug?” Taurus – Remember, the customer is always right! Except in your case, the McRib still is not back, no matter how many times you keep asking. Gemini – You’re looking for love in…

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