Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Did you know that not believing in horoscopes is such a Capricorn move? Ugh. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Bored? Bored of being bored? Maybe do your freaking […]

Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Why why WHY did you put those giant wheels on your truck? You’re already having a hard time making friends. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): You’re ~not like […]

Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): We know that you’re stingy. We get it. But please, PLEASE just go to the grocery store and buy some food before you starve. Aquarius (January 20 – February […]

Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Just because YOU think that your best friend’s career as an Instagram influencer isn’t going to work out doesn’t mean that you should tell them. Let them dream! Aquarius […]

Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Just because your roommate put their fancy pumpkin-flavored drinks on YOUR side of the fridge doesn’t mean that you should drink them all. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): […]

Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): There’s a difference between you doing all the work for your group project and you forcing your other group members not to do any of the work. It’s called […]

Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Please, please, PLEASE put that stupid muffler back on your car. I am literally BEGGING you. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): We all want to know how you’ve […]

Satire

Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Maybe stop trying to convince your professor to bump your “F” up to an “A” when you haven’t been to class since Sept. 9. Sometimes you just need to […]

Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): If you want your plans to become dictator of the Seven United Continents to work, maybe stop telling everybody about your step-by-step agenda. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): […]

Satire

The Scopes!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): We all know you’ll never answer your phone anyway, but please—FOR THE LOVE OF GOD—do not pick it up when it rings on Sept. 18 at approximately 2:13 a.m. […]

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Satire

Scopes!

Cam “See Ya Never, Nerds!” Parrucci Capricorn: Summer is right around the corner, hopefully that tattoo of every member of KISS you got on your leg won’t get too much attention during shorts season. Aquarius: […]

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Satire

The Scopes!

Cam “My Jokes Are a Cry for Help” Parrucci – Aries – “An apple a day keeps the doctor away!” does not actually involve catapults and your doctor’s home address, no matter how hard you […]

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Satire

The Scopes!

Cam “Playlist Junkie” Parrucci Aries – The snow still stuck behind the tires of your car since the first snow is really telling of your inability to let go of things. Get over things! Get […]