Cam “Soul Calibur VI” Parrucci – After a record year, UW-Stout’s revenue gained from parking tickets has now surpassed the money pulled in from tuition. While all students pay an excess amount in parking tickets on a yearly basis, the number remains staggering. According to Stoutonia research, the average number of parking tickets a student…
Cam “Soul Calibur VI” Parrucci – Aries – That full suit of armor you purchased won’t protect you from your closest friends talking about you behind your back, but at least it looks cool. Taurus – A major power shift will happen in the office when you come in with a “World’s Best Boss” coffee…
Cam “Anyway, Here’s Wonderwall” Parrucci In a very strange turn of events, this group of college friends has found for drama and arguments to unfold between all of them. Whether it’s relationship woes, subtweeting, or random bouts of pettiness, this college group of junior has managed to maintain drama between them for years. In a…
Cam “Anyway, Here’s Wonderwall” Parrucci – Aries – Expect major movements to be happening in your life soon, you’re going to get the world record for most KFC eaten in 15 minutes! Taurus – Finding a $20 bill on the ground won’t be as cool as you first think when you realize it was covered…
Cam “Don’t Look Me Directly in the Eyes” Parrucci – In a sudden turn of events, freshman Becky Robinson was shocked with a wild discovery upon entering her dorm room last week. In a wild display of power in their friendship of circumstance, Robinson’s roommate had purchased and displayed a small betta fish on one…
Cam “Don’t Look Me Directly in the Eyes” Parrucci – Aries – You’ll find true inspiration in life once a year when you finally get motivated enough to write for the ‘zine some dude at a coffee shop convinced you to join. Taurus – The stars are aligning for a new motivating figure in your…
Cam Parrucci – Meet Brandon Gilbert, incoming Business Administration freshman from Green Bay, Wisconsin. Gilbert has already gotten a name for himself on campus as one of the few freshman who, after the first week, and has yet to lose all hope. “I mean, I know it’s the first week of classes and I already…
Cam Parrucci – Aquarius – The stars will be aligned in the coming days to help you realize your dreams, Aquarius. It’s shame you’ll be mauled by a bear and stuck in a coma before it happens. Pisces – Remember, anything you find without someone’s name written clearly on it is now yours. Yes, especially…
Cam Parrucci– After what has been a no-doubt difficult spring semester for the UW-Stout student body, a recent study was conducted on campus with shockingly conclusive results: all 100% of the UW-Stout campus population of students, staff, and professors just want to go back to bed. Junior and graphic design major Tim Nelson told Stoutonia,…
Cam Parrucci– Aries – Unfortunately, the stars have determined what your last words will be. A heroic and brave: “Where’s my hug?” Taurus – Remember, the customer is always right! Except in your case, the McRib still is not back, no matter how many times you keep asking. Gemini – You’re looking for love in…
Cam Parrucci- Aries – If the last month of class is starting to get to you, maybe consider starting to review fast food on YouTube. It can be quite a lucrative business! Taurus – Sure, you can tape over the webcam on your laptop, but you can’t cover up the FBI van parked outside your…
Cam Parrucci- Sophomore Ellie Bennington has become somewhat of a hot topic in her classes this semester for her hot takes and valuable feedback throughout her courses’ required discussion posts. Her posts have been widely known for featuring effective and relevant arguments in her required replies to the discussion posts made by her classmates. Using…
Cam Parrucci- Aquarius – Do you actually think pineapple belongs on pizza? Like actually? Huh, okay. Pisces – Whether it’s frozen or delivered, baked or grilled, pizza is still pizza. Think about that, it’s a rule to live by. Aries – Many people have already met their future partner in life without realizing it….
Cam Parrucci- Business Administration major and junior at UW-Stout, John Manning. Manning, 21, has discovered a new way to live cheaply and with acceptable health for a man of his age, opting to spend money on cheap beer and JUUL pods in lieu of groceries, wowing both friends and the scientific community. “J-Dog is…
Cam Parrucci- Stoutonia is happy and thankful to be the first to announce University of Wisconsin–Stout’s own cryptocurrency, StoutCoin. After weeks and months of development, Stout staffers have finally made the step into a new kind of money, and a new, innovative way for available investors and students to pay for things around campus and…
Cam Parrucci- Goober (March 20 – April 20) – Are you sure you can’t find the mustard? Check under your seat right now. Spaghetti (April 20 – May 21) – The stars have spoken, and you’re doomed to spend the rest of your life rewatching “Friends” until the apocalypse. Bob from Stranger Things…
