The Scopes

Cam Parrucci-   Aries – Halloween may be over, but there’s still leftover Halloween candy out there somewhere! Get your costume on, and get ready to do some breaking and entering. Taurus – Treat yourself and rent “The Emoji Movie” from your local video rental store this weekend. Gemini – It’s up to you to…

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The Horrorscopes

Cam Parrucci- Libra – Look it! Look it! It’s frickin’ bats! I love Halloween. Scorpio – I don’t want to freak you out or anything, but there’s a skeleton inside of you right now. Sagittarius – Your cousin Paul called, he wants to know if you wanted to go pumpkin-smashing tonight with him and his…

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The ‘Scopes

Cam Parrucci- Libra: Next time, think before you share an Onion article on Facebook, your grandma still might not get the point of satirical articles. Scorpio: Be wary of the people you surround yourself with, one of them plays as Waluigi in Mario Kart. Sagittarius:  Your cousin Paul called. He wanted to know if you…

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The ‘Scopes

Cameron Parrucci   Libra: Always remember, boneless doesn’t necessarily mean less meat. Scorpio: Try a new sauce next time you get wings, you Caribbean Jerk, you. Sagittarius: The stars are in your favor, Sagittarius! Stay tuned for your cousin Paul to invite you to get wings. Aquarius: We went out to get wings, and you…

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UW-Stout bought by Totino’s for $2.5 Million

Following what has been heralded as the beginning of a new age for higher education, the University of Wisconsin-Stout has announced that it will be formally exiting the UW-System next year after being acquired by pizza giant Totino’s. Staff and faculty are being shuffled around or let go, and first among them is the current…

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The ‘Scopes

Libra You’ll never succeed in life if you continuously click “still watching” on Netflix. Throw your computer out the window and start over.   Pisces This week, you’ll discover an avocado allergy. Don’t fret though, now you can start saving for your first home.   Gemini Be careful of your choice of coffee drinks this…

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Burger King coupons stolen from Financial Aid Office

Ryan Cook Following a daring heist of the University of Wisconsin–Stout Financial Aid Office, university police have issued a statement saying that all of the Burger King coupons have indeed been stolen. Rumors had been circulating around campus for days following initial reports of a break-in, and it seems as though our worst fears have…

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University Wi-Fi temporarily down after Chancellor Bob accidentally spills milkshake on router

Ryan Cook- University Wi-Fi temporarily down after Chancellor Bob accidentally spills milkshake on router After several complaints from staff and students alike, the university administration has finally given a formal response to the Wi-Fi being down or unreliable for the past several months. As it turns out, none other than Chancellor Bob Meyer is responsible….

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