Russian Influence revealed in SSA election

Joseph Gulotta Scandal hits Campus as the Stout Director of Intelligence released its report, which unequivocally stated that Russian hackers had partaken in a multifaceted attempt to influence the 2016 election of the 2016-2017 Stout Student Association’s Executive Board. This report came as a shock to the students at UW–Stout, as the integrity and position…

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To Go Green, Chancellor Bob Announces the Removal of Parking Lots

Hannah Lundquist- In the past few years, UW–Stout has made several considerable efforts towards becoming a much more ‘green’ campus. We now have recycling programs, renewable energy plans, public transportation and water bottle fill stations, to name a few. To take it another step further and work on another large ‘green’ project, Stout has decided…

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A Mariah Carey Nightmare on Friday the 13th

Shannon Hoyt After a failed attempt at a performance on New Year’s Eve, Mariah Carey had fallen into a state of embarrassment. Seeking redemption, she was looking to reperform an identical show for any stage that would take her. However, national platforms had not shown interest in her mission. A few weeks after Carey’s proposition,…

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Jeffstock brings music legend Bono to campus

Cameron Parrucci- Menomonie locals and pizza fans, rejoice! Bono — U2 frontman, humanitarian and businessman — is making his way to the University of Wisconsin–Stout. This spring, Bono and U2 are headlining one of the most revolutionary music festivals Wisconsin has ever seen. Bono has coined the name of the festival “Jeffstock,” a non-profit event…

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Standing No-vation

Sam Kilgard- Student Keenan Jones, aka “The Magnificent Jones” takes center stage for the first time in his life. He breathes in and out slowly, trying to calm his nerves. He looks out at the sea of people filling the Memorial Student Center’s Great Hall. Eyes are  glued directly to the tall, top-hat-wearing, tuxedoed magician,…

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Supercomputer Stumped By Child

Ryan Curtis- On January 21, the supercomputer Deep Blue 2 failed to defeat a 5-year-old child at the game “Purrplexed.” Deep Blue 2 was created by International Business Machines (IBM). IBM’s highly publicized product is a supercomputer that can learn how to play any game that is presented to it and claimed to be able…

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Infectious disease strikes UW-Stout

Mary Peters- “CAUTION” and “DANGER” are some of the various signs being posted along the roads leading up to UW–Stout, as the campus has been hit by an extremely infectious, extremely contagious disease. Medical students from around the tri-state area have been asked to attempt to uncover anything that could help ease the symptoms of…

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Professor Spotlight: Dr. Professorman

Ryan Cook- The Professional Communication and Emerging Media program, commonly shortened to PCEM, has several professors who give their students a truly unique experience. We asked students in the major to choose who to feature in this special Professor Spotlight, and the poll received an astounding number of responses. Nearly 85 percent of PCEM students…

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Horoscopes

Ashtray (March 21 – April 19) When at first you don’t succeed, drop out of school and buy a golf course. There’s nothing better than hitting the green at the crack of dawn with the boys. Buffalo Wings (April 20 – May 20) You might want to be careful the next time you go golfing,…

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UW-Stout canceled after 125 seasons

Ryan Cook- Following the show’s gradual decline in ratings over the past few decades, executives at NBC have decided not to renew “UW–Stout” after 125 seasons. While those not familiar with the program’s history may be surprised to hear of the sudden cancellation, diehard fans know that UW–Stout has been going downhill ever since the…

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Report: 34% of Professors start careers by wandering into classrooms off the street

Ryan Cook- Following a five-year-long observational study conducted across several Wisconsin universities, researchers have confirmed that around 34 percent of professors start their academic careers by wandering into classrooms off the street. This new information could be a real game-changer, as it has been believed for years that most professors begin teaching after being born…

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The Scopes

Ryan Cook- Aries (March 21 – April 19) Your brilliant mind is matched with an equally intense depression. Pushing others away is only a short-term solution. They care about you more than you know. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Others always seem to be needing your help, and you’re never one to disappoint. Though…

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The Scopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19) Your consistently positive attitude will always bring out the best in others, and makes befriending people a breeze. You’re a bit overwhelming, though. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Despite being pined after by two different women, you are objectively the least appealing person amongst your cast of friends….

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