Every Squirrel has his Day

Evan “Yo-Yo Master” Thue

From player to coach, Nutty the Squirrel has impacted University of Wisconsin-Stout in so many ways. Of course, we remember his amazing 4 seasons playing for the Men’s Basketball team, leading them to four straight championships despite the fact that he is an actual squirrel.  And how could we forget his legendary coaching style in which he just runs around the arena for a while.

Nutty has finally achieved what every squirrel and, I suppose, human’s dreams of as he retires his jersey.

“Nutty has impacted this university in many positive ways, especially with the recruitment of other squirrels to play other sports. We felt that enshrining his very small jersey in the rafters was the least we could do,” said some random guy yelling at me from across the street.

Nutty’s impact has been felt throughout the entire campus, and he meant a lot to many students on campus.

“It was cool to have a squirrel on the team, I guess, but it really sucked when I got cut from the team for him. I felt like I was living out the movie Air Bud in a bad way,” said some Basketball Scrub.

“I think it was amazing, he made me believe any squirrel could do anything. I then bought one and brought it with me to culinary school to live out the plot of ratatouille. Things were going great for a while, except I have a final on Thursday, and I can’t find him anywhere” said some Gordan Ramsey wannabe.

“Is nobody going to talk about the fact that he is an actual squirrel? Like, how is this possible? Everyone here seems like it’s a regular thing to see a squirrel dunk a basketball. I feel like I’m losing my mind,” said Doug.

The list of attendees listed to speak at Nutty’s jersey retirement ceremony is pretty impressive. Currently scheduled to speak are Barack Obama, Garfield the Cat, Benicio Del Toro, Samuel the King of the Squirrel Kingdom, Benicio Del Toro again, and Cedric the Entertainer.

Nutty’s jersey ceremony should be a spectacle that we haven’t seen for some time, and if you miss it, then, well, you are downright Nuts.