How My RagTag Fantasy Football Squad Has Me in First Place

Evan Thue

Fantasy Football is a weird thing. You pick players and root for individual statistics for them every week, even if they’re playing your favorite team. My fantasy football team is currently exceeding expectations. 

That’s right! The Dak Attacks right now stand alone in first place in the Western Division, and I honestly have no idea how. 

I have some ideas; the one thing that has been carrying my team through every single week is owning the New England Patriots defense. During the past five weeks, the Patriots Defense has scored 35, 28, 23, 15, and 14. As a good frame of reference, the average good fantasy defense scores about 10 points a week. How are they doing this, you ask? The answer is I have no idea. 

They are playing pretty garbage teams every week, which makes me nervous. Once they start playing really good teams, what does that mean for The Dak Attacks? I will tell you what that means in one word: Chaos.

I’ll tell you why it’s chaotic, the rest of my team either just flat-out stinks one night, or they are overperforming. I was quite excited when my first-round pick running back finally came out of a contract holdout to play. I was less happy when he only scored 7 points in each of his starts. My de facto team captain, Dak Prescott, has probably eliminated about 5 years worth of pure stress from my life, whether he’s going to play well or not.

Don’t get me wrong, of course I love winning. How could I not? It’s hard for me to lie to myself and say that this team is actually good. I’ll take the wins, but these wins are small margins of victory. The Dak Attacks are a RagTag group of misfits, even though they shouldn’t win it all. It just might defy the odds.