I Don’t Even Know Anymore

Cam “Roller Coaster Tycoon 2” Parrucci –

At this point, what even is there to say? The world is on fire! Have you watched the news lately? Or rather, with our reader base of college students, have you checked Twitter lately? All the time there is stuff going on, political debates, weird memes, the world is falling apart around us! Have you seen what’s happening outside of our country? Oof.

Why are you even reading this article? This is a satire issue! This whole magazine is filled with great jokes written by great writers. And you chose this one! Is this article even a joke? I’m not sure. Otherwise it’s under so many layers of irony that the joke is lost in translation. And at that point, is a joke even present? I don’t know, I’m just the dude that writes this stuff.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. Should we even be making jokes about these horrors of the modern world? People are still using straws and plastic bottles! Like, get a resuable one already!

Plus, we have to worry about the end of the world. If it’s not Yellowstone erupting, nuclear annihilation, or depletion of our resources, we have the heat death of the universe to worry about! I mean, sure, we can make the jokes about it. We do. But people are dying for crying out loud!

Anyways, thanks for tuning into to this hard-hitting satirical article that was absolutely a good use of your time. We’ll return to your regularly scheduled satire next issue.