The managers of Menomonie’s Kwik Trips are asking students to “find rolls of quarters elsewhere” after mayor Randy Knaack used a Mayoral Executive Order to “squeeze quarters out of the town for more foosball.” Students and other downtown denizens are outraged.
The changes reduced the number of student commuters. “Even if I could afford to pay the new parking rates, the Kwik Trip by campus has a picture of my face taped to a spray bottle. Whenever I walk in, they spray me until I leave.” said Kaitlin “Kitty” Calico.
The rate increase is 5 cents per hour.
Many townfolk are also reporting a “dirty laundry” smell on campus as well. “I can’t find enough quarters to cover my apartment’s laundry machines. I had to buy incense to smoke treat my clothes.” said Anita Schauer, “It doesn’t work.”
“I mean, why doesn’t Kwik Trip just like, ask for more quarters?” said student Ivana Dolores. “I just started walking to my classes from CKTO. It kinda sucks.”
One student, who refused to share his name, has started collecting the dropped quarters from the floor of Kahootz on Main Street. “A man’s gotta park.” the student said.
Kwik Trip is looking to install foosball tables at all downtown locations. “If we can collect enough quarters, we can get them back for students.”