Let the Dogs Speak

Ryan Mezera

Images: Unsplash.com/ Contributed. Layout: Isabel Roberts/ Stoutonia

Do you ever find yourself making decisions for your dog? Do you ever ask yourself, “How can I set my dog up with the life they want?”

The Humane Society of the United States and the Humane Society Legislative Fund, on January 20, called for President Joseph R. Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris to help maintain a commitment to further federal animal welfare policy. 

To help our leaders do just this, it is important to be as inclusive as possible and consider what our furry friends have to say.

We talked to a couple local dogs to get the inside scoop on how the pandemic is going for them—doggy style! After all, with all the joy they bring us, they should get a chance to have their own voices heard. 

Spunkers, Golden Retriever: 

All right Spunkers, what do you have to say about the state of our nation right now? 

I guess I would say I need to be more informed about what’s happening out there. I should’ve watched the evening news with my dad last night, but he gave me a turkey and potato flavored pig’s ear right before he turned it on. I couldn’t focus! 

Has your dad been around the house more than usual since the COVID pandemic started? 

Yeah, now that you say that he has been around the house more and more! I’ve recently heard the word COVID a bunch, but I thought it was maybe some kind of new chew toy that I’d be able to get my paws on. What’s a pandemic? 

With your dad being around the house more, has he been taking you on more walks than before? 

Oh yeah. Instead of just walking around the block, we’ve been going to the dog park like every day. He always wears this weird piece of cloth over his face, though. What’s that all about? 

Maci, Irish Setter: 

Over the past few months, have you noticed a difference in the behavior of your owner? 

She’s been moping around the apartment a lot more. She’s always eating Lunchables and buttered popcorn and talking to her computer. I thought maybe she got fired from her job, but her work phone still rings all the time. She changed her ringtone to “The Sound of Silence” by Simon & Garfunkel. Personally, I love their music. 

Have you had many visitors come to your apartment? 

No! My mom used to always have my Auntie Karen over for “wine Wednesdays”, but I haven’t seen her since my last trip to the doggy doctor. I thought that if I sat by the door with my head super low, paw up and tail pointed, maybe I would smell her coming. But I can’t get a whiff! 

Siberia, Maltese: 

What is your favorite part of the day, Siberia? 

Well, I used to spend about 3 to 4 hours a day looking at myself in the hallway mirror admiring how my black bowtie made my white coat pop. Now, my mom makes me wear a different color every day. I’m wearing a yellow one right now. I look like I accidently peed on my head! I’m an independent, well-groomed Maltese. Why can’t I wear what I want? 

Zeus, Great Dane: 

Zeus, your dad now works remotely from home. Do you like having him around all the time? 

Okay, listen here. I love my daddy. He knows exactly where I like my ears scratched and even gives me Ziwi Peak Venison dog food instead of that boring, dry Rice & Vegetable Pedigree crap I used to get. But I’m pushing 85 in dog years. I like my peace and quiet. I wouldn’t mind having the house to myself again, at least for a couple hours so I can snooze on the sofa. For Air Bud’s sake, what does a dog have to do to get a beer around here?