Local freshman breaks sound barrier while running late to class

By Jeff Gebert —

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Students at the University of Wisconsin–Stout were baffled last Monday when a sonic boom suddenly rang throughout the campus at 9:01 a.m. The disturbance was caused by Timmy Jemmers, who broke the sound barrier in an attempt to get to his 9:05 English 101 class on time.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life,” said Jemmers. “I can’t afford to be tardy to any of my classes.”

The freshman slept in after accidentally pressing “dismiss” instead of hitting “snooze” for the 14th time on his alarm clock app. His heart skipped a beat when he realized he may be late for class. Kevin Armeberg, a sophomore living in McCalmont was present for the event.

“Man, I was straight up startled,” said Armeberg. “I was watching “Fantasia” on Blu-ray, when suddenly I hear a FFFFFSSSSHHHHHHWWWWOOOOOO, and I’m all ‘woah.’”

Jemmers has reportedly only gone supersonic twice before. Once when he had to go to the bathroom during a movie at the theater and once while piloting an F-35 STOVL aircraft.

When asked how he was able to accomplish such a feat, Jemmers responded with the following.

“I don’t know, I just kind of run. Really fast. Can’t…. can’t everyone else do that?”

Jemmers thankfully made it to class on time, avoiding a possible sarcastic comment from his professor.

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