Local Musician Holds Students Hostage

DISCLAIMER: This article is Satire (not real/meant to be comical)

Bryce Parr-

A local musician is raising an uproar after his colleagues were unable to follow his lecture on music theory. According to students, the man caused a disturbance to schedules after he allegedly held students hostage in a Harvey Hall study room.

“11/8 is not that hard to understand, you can just count three triplets with a trailing two-beat.” said alleged hostage-taker and University of WisconsinStout Junior Sig Nature, “I don’t see why that’s hard to count.”

Nature is the drummer for local progressive metal band Pushing to Afterlife.

“I was trying to explain the odd-time signatures that my band plays and they just didn’t listen.” Nature said, “I even wrote it out on the whiteboard for them.”

“I mean the guy basically locked us in the study room. I hardly even know him.” student victim Aiden Twanna said, “I don’t think he needs to get in any trouble, but he definitely needs help.”

Nature exhibited similar behavior in the past. “Sig once kept us at practice for an extra two hours because our vocalist couldn’t count 13/4,” said bassist Tom “Slappy” Jones, “We had to sneak out when he went to grab his whiteboard.”

“4/4 time is like giving up and writing boring pop music. 11/8 really isn’t that hard. You can also look at it as a 6/8 and a 5/8. What’s not to get?” said Nature.

Nature had to be removed from Harvey Hall by University Police. No charges have been filed.