Menomonie High School Students Attend First Hour Classes Without Hangovers After Rehab Reopens Dry

Bryce Parr –

Teachers in the Menomonie Area School District report that students are agitated and excitable during morning classes after the closure of Rehab. “Classes used to be quiet and manageable. Students kept to themselves and didn’t cause any trouble. Now everyone is hootin’ and hollerin’ at each other like a bunch of wetland frogs in heat,” said Chance O’Fresne, Menomonie High School’s biology teacher. “I’m not sure what they are on, but they definitely relapsed. It’s a shame. They were getting the help they needed at rehab,” O’Fresne said.

It’s clear the student body was rocked by the closure of rehab last April. “It like really, really sucked,” said MHS senior Oliveya-Abigale Lee. “Like, we have to, like, drink in Bill’s mom’s garage now. It’s like, not cool,” said Lee. Lee was a junior at the time of Rehab’s closure.

“I’m happy to host. I’m just happy to see my son and his friends have fun,” Bill’s mom said.

Many students reminisce about being able to drink freely in the bar. “We all had fakes, you know? They didn’t really care as long as we were buying. Now we have to sneak in with flasks of UV Blue. It’s nice we don’t get ID’ed at the door,” said senior Ewan Sideyet Jr. “At least I can still Juul inside. Bill’s mom won’t let us blow clouds in her garage,” said Sideyet.

Students are still looking for a better drinking venue. Kahootz regular, Alfred Yeetson, said he doesn’t want them to ruin his bar. “There’s already too many freshmen with fakes. I don’t want to see more underagers ruining an upscale venue like Kahootz.” Local law enforcement has started sending undercover officers into bars to keep an eye out for the underage drinkers, wearing Levi bootcut jeans, black Adidas Yeezy sneakers and Fortnite t-shirts.