Smooth criminals (Oct. 6)

By Jeff “The Shark” Gebert —

Citations issued 9/16-9/29

Two subjects were stopped in Lot 34 after being spotted with an open container of beer. The beer can was located in the subject’s pocket when officers approached. They were warned on the open container violation and each cited for underage consumption. The officer began citing the subject for publicly peeing his pants, but then realized that he had put the beer can in his pocket upside down.

Officers responded to two intoxicated people lying in the hallway of one of the residence halls. They were cited for underage consumption and for being a tripping hazard.

A driver was stopped after running a stop sign and then proceeding the wrong way on a one way street. He was cited accordingly: as a typical Wisconsin driver.

Police were called to a report of a theft of a laptop from a dorm room. Minutes later the reporting party called to say that they found the computer in their car. Way to jump to conclusions.

An officer observed a subject throw a can into a bush. The can turned out to be an alcohol container. She was cited for open container and warned for littering. A beer in the bush is worth a ticket in the hand.

At the wrestling event in Johnson Field House, a male subject jumped into the ring, “slammed” a beer, and ran off. Officers working the event caught the subject, with the assistance of a couple pro wrestlers. He was cited for disorderly conduct. The subject was identified as El Borracho Desordenado, a famous alcoholic Luchador.

Police were called for a disorderly male at Johnson Field house.  He was demanding to be let into the building, but was denied due to his intoxication and not having a student ID.  He became angry and disruptive. He was cited for disorderly conduct and given a ride home.  Officers learned that Menomonie Police had already cited the man for underage consumption earlier that evening. I wish I had that kind of determination to go to the gym.

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