Smooth Criminals (Sept. 22)

By Jeff Gebert —

-Police were called to deal with a homeless man loitering around North Point Dining. The hobo insisted that he was not loitering, but instead was in a state of deep meditation.

-Officers received an anonymous tip of marijuana use in a dorm room. The officer followed up and the resident was cited for possession of THC, paraphernalia and alcohol. The giver of the anonymous tip was given the award for biggest buzzkill.

-Two females were cited for public urination near Parking Lot 34. Well that’s not very lady-like.

-Police were called to deal with a disorderly subject who was breaking furniture in South Hall.  Three subjects were found in the area and were uncooperative with police. One subject informed the officer that it wasn’t against the law to break his own furniture. He was cited for disorderly conduct and underage consumption. The others were cited for underage consumption. After interrogating the subject, it was learned that the three were playing Mario Party and his friend had just stolen his star, resulting in the smashing of furniture.

-A suspect was cited for climbing onto the roof of a University of Wisconsin–Stout building. Maybe he was trying to get a better view and find a decent parking spot on South Campus.

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