The ‘Scopes!
Written by: Robert Timmler March 2021 Horoscopes Aries: An Alien will land in your backyard and ask for a Redbull, but you will only have one left in your fridge.…
Written by: Robert Timmler March 2021 Horoscopes Aries: An Alien will land in your backyard and ask for a Redbull, but you will only have one left in your fridge.…
Written by: Robert Timmler Aries: You will start a family band that will tour across America, bouncing from county fair to county fair. The band will be a success until…
The Signs As Things Boomers Hate Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Not knowing how to sew or do any woodworking because your school cut all those classes right before…
The Signs As What They Should Watch During Shutdown Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): 2001: A Space Odyssey. Something about you tells me that you really, really love super…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): You’re going to plan to complete every assignment you fell behind on throughout the semester and not do a single one. Aquarius (January 20…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Bleak. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Pretentious. Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Spike’s fiancé. Aries (March 21 – April 19): Angry. Taurus…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Everybody does not hate you. Please go take a nap. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): No one understands your obscure Warrior Cats references.…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): How does it feel to get a Christmas gift as your birthday present? Not good I bet. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): How…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): You’re the college-friend version of a helicopter parent. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): It’s Aquarius season! Celebrate by telling everyone that your fourth-grade…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Remember Hyde from That 70s Show? That’s you. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): It’s Aquarius season! Celebrate by telling everyone you found a…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Did you know that not believing in horoscopes is such a Capricorn move? Ugh. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Bored? Bored of being…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Why why WHY did you put those giant wheels on your truck? You’re already having a hard time making friends. Aquarius (January 20 –…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): We know that you’re stingy. We get it. But please, PLEASE just go to the grocery store and buy some food before you starve.…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Just because YOU think that your best friend’s career as an Instagram influencer isn’t going to work out doesn’t mean that you should tell…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Just because your roommate put their fancy pumpkin-flavored drinks on YOUR side of the fridge doesn’t mean that you should drink them all. Aquarius…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): There’s a difference between you doing all the work for your group project and you forcing your other group members not to do any…