The Scopes!

Cam “Playlist Junkie” Parrucci

Aries – The snow still stuck behind the tires of your car since the first snow is really telling of your inability to let go of things. Get over things! Get rid of it!

Taurus – As a history buff, the origins of things have always interested you. Too bad your research led you to realize exactly what hot dogs are.

Gemini – Making lists has always been one of your fortes. Dividing up your assets to your ex-partner in the next 10 years should be a breeze!

Cancer – Finding a dollar on the ground will send your life into a wild new direction. A one-dollar richer, wild, new direction.

Leo – Throwing caution to the wind will always be one of your biggest mistakes. Especially when caution refers to a briefcase filled with solid gold bars.

Virgo – With all the advances in modern medicine, you’d think there’d be some sort of cure for your incredibly thick ear hair at 20 years old. No such thing has happened yet.

Libra – The stars inquire; if they ordered fries, would you have some?

Scorpio – Romance is in the air! You’ll be caught red-handed getting a little too intimate as you pop a roll of bubble wrap. Pop pop!

Sagittarius – Games of chance have always interested you. Playing Russian Roulette in the office basement with your manager over a sales client will be even more interesting!

Capricorn – Your bold statement of liking all genres of music will be put to the test when you’re asked to rewrite a Tchaikovsky symphony from memory.

Aquarius – For many, marriage is the beginning of a new life. For you, marriage means eating half the wedding cake and crying to the bride’s great aunt about your loneliness.

Pisces – Pisces season is still in for a little while longer, show your true power by bench pressing a few mid-sized sedans.