The ‘Scopes!

Elizabeth “What Day is it Again?” Vierkant

The Signs As What They Should Watch During Shutdown

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): 2001: A Space Odyssey. Something about you tells me that you really, really love super long and incredibly boring movies…

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Scott Pilgrim v.s. the World. It’s ~quirky~ and ~different~. You’ll relate.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Romeo + Juliet. Only you, the literal weirdest person I’ve ever met, would enjoy this movie.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Euphoria. Get that HBO free trial that you’ll forget to cancel for at least eight months afterward.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Game of Thrones. The ending is a disappointment, just like you!

Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Community. Much like you, this television show just can’t seem to pick a single theme.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Harry Potter. There’s a lot of those movies. That’ll temporarily fill the void.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): Tiger King. Everyone else is watching it, and we all know that you can’t bear to be left out of anything.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. I’m only recommending this because I think you’d hate it.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): Twilight. Relish in that missing love that you don’t even have…

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Nothing.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Pirates of the Caribbean. Continue yearning for the adventure you’ll never bother to go on, even when quarantine is over.