The ‘Scopes!

Elizabeth “I Haven’t Left My Room In 3 Days” Vierkant

The Signs As Things Boomers Hate

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Not knowing how to sew or do any woodworking because your school cut all those classes right before you were supposed to take them.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Participation trophies that you didn’t ask for.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Not being married with three kids by the age of 21.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Killing the diamond industry because you hate spending money on literally anything.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Killing the napkin industry because you don’t understand why you can’t just use paper towels.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Buying avocado toast instead of a house.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Ordering literally anything at Starbucks other than a black coffee.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): Having a codependency problem with your phone.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Staying awake past 7 p.m.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): Coherent wi-fi passwords.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Everything.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): The word “boomer.”