Thousands of bees escape from Harvey Hall

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By Eric Koeppel —

Due to the long-awaited presence of construction workers at Harvey Hall the thousands of bees that once resided there have been slowly trickling out.

Returning students may remember the unbelievable number of bees in one of University of Wisconsin–Stout’s most historic buildings. They terrorized students during class time, developed an impressive indoor civilization of hives and attacked at the most inopportune moments.

“I’ll never forget that day in Creative Writing class,” said senior Steve Swanson. “Bruce was just sitting there, taking notes during the lecture, when all of a sudden the buzzing started.” Swanson could barely finish without tearing up. “Fifty-five bee stings. Old Brucey has never been the same.”

Students aren’t the only ones who were terrorized by the notorious Harvey hornets.

“I had been teaching English classes for nearly 40 years before the incident,” said Jane Kimble, a former UW–Stout professor. Kimble, a known honey enthusiast, made the mistake of bringing her prized honey collection to show to the first and last class she would ever teach in Harvey Hall. “When I close my eyes all I can hear is that buzzing. Those weren’t just bees, they were demons!”

Construction workers were particularly appalled when they discovered the Mother Hive, a four-foot tall bee haven located in the building’s attic.

“We’ve seen bee infestations before, but never anything like the Mother Hive,” claimed an anonymous construction worker assigned to the Harvey Hall renovation project. “It was a chore to get rid of it, that’s for certain, but with a bunch of baseball bats and Hazmat Suits we managed to get the job done.”

As far as the new location of the Harvey hornets goes, my guess is as good as any, but I was able to get a little insight on this matter from Dave, a local bee who has lived in Harvey Hall his entire life.

“We’re all just kind of buzzing around for the moment, looking for the perfect building to infest next,” said Dave. “I’ve literally never been outside of Harvey Hall because, as a bee, that place was the bomb. I’ve never seen a campus building that contained more bees than people at any given time. It was so awesome! So it’s going to be hard to top that place, but there does seem to be a few decent alternatives out there. That Heritage Hall place seems all right.”

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