Ryan Cook-

University Wi-Fi temporarily down after Chancellor Bob accidentally spills milkshake on router

After several complaints from staff and students alike, the university administration has finally given a formal response to the Wi-Fi being down or unreliable for the past several months. As it turns out, none other than Chancellor Bob Meyer is responsible.
In a statement released by the Chancellor himself, he said, “I’d like to formally apologize to everyone for personally making the Wi-Fi terrible. If I had known that setting a milkshake on top of what I now know is the university router could have ended up this badly, I would’ve drank the entire thing in one sitting instead of saving some for later.” Meyer then picked up his office telephone and pretended to receive a phone call from Governor Scott Walker in which he told Walker that he would be unable to attend his hockey game, as he had ‘important college things to do.’ The Chancellor later announced his plans to keep his food and drinks away from anything that looks “computer-like” so something like this doesn’t happen again for at least a few months.