DISCLAIMER: This article is Satire (not real/meant to be comical)

Katie Schulzetenberg-

Blue Devil Productions (BDP) picked “The Emoji Movie” as their bi-weekly movie night in Applied Arts 210 last Friday. What happened next was a nightmare come true: not a single student showed up.

“We were devastated, especially when we had to sit through the entire movie as punishment for picking such a poor choice,” said BDP member Kat Astrophy.

As the movie rolled on, faculty and students doing homework in Applied Arts peered in through the window just to snicker at the BDP members forced to watch. “I ran straight home and hid under my covers in the fetal position after the movie ended,” remarked Brock Lee, BDP’s vice president.

Students were not about to let this tragedy go unnoticed. Instead of forgetting about it and moving on, many of them decided to send in options for movies that people actually desire to watch. “Our mailbox has been full of notes suggesting better movies ever since the accident, one note even said ‘literally anything else besides The Emoji Movie,’” said member Tara Dactl. “We are doing everything we can to recover from our mistake, but people are just not letting it go,” she continued to say.

“How do they expect us to let this go when we can’t even let go the death of a gorilla in a zoo? I just think it’s super insensitive of them,” one student that preferred to stay anonymous commented. Many of the students are feeling personally attacked, as they have been tricked into watching The Emoji Movie by peers when it first came out. “I still can see those little yellow faces smiling at me when I go to sleep,” said another anonymous student.

President of BDP, Messup McGee, has made appearances in several meetings assuring the public that this will never happen again. “We are doing everything we can, just please stop egging our cars,” McGee pleaded at the last meeting in Ballroom A.

The Emoji Movie has officially been banned from campus in an effort to keep the peace. In addition, BDP members asked students and faculty to please never speak of the incident again and pretend it never happened. “Everyone makes mistakes, maybe not this big, but still,” McGee said, “We can only hope from here that better choices are being made in the movie-picking department after the accident.“

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