Ryan Cook-

Just minutes before the large ribbon blocking off the entrance to the newly renovated building was to be cut with novelty scissors in front of a large crowd, sources say that UW–Stout Chancellor Bob Meyer could be seen floating upside down into the sky, his feet tangled in the strings of several balloons. “Oh darn, not again! Someone please get me down from here!” Meyer shouted from high up above the heads of the ceremony attendants. “Whoa nelly, I think I see an airplane!”

It is currently unknown how Meyer managed to get his feet so tangled in the balloons, but when asked for comment, his publicist responded, “We are doing our best to retrieve the Chancellor without any cost to the taxpayer. Rest assured, this is a common occurrence with Bob, and all of us here at UW–Stout are well-equipped to snag him out of any trees or line up any large trampolines once his balloons begin to pop.” As of press time, Chancellor Meyer has passed through the stratosphere and shows no signs of stopping any time soon.

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