Cam Parrucci-


Business Administration major and junior at UW-Stout, John Manning. Manning, 21, has discovered a new way to live cheaply and with acceptable health for a man of his age, opting to spend money on cheap beer and JUUL pods in lieu of groceries, wowing both friends and the scientific community.

“J-Dog is absolutely wild, man,” says roommate, Madden Johnson, “The dude never eats, but he rips his JUUL like crazy and can absolutely put them away.”

Manning’s methodology has provided him with a lifestyle that suits him well, he says. “Honestly, I mean, beer makes people full, so I’m never hungry when I have that. Then I can rip my JUUL in times when I can’t pound brewskis with the bros, you know? Plus, it suits the college lifestyle man, I’m the life of the party!”

As far as health concerns go, Manning says this: “I mean think about it, normally, as a college student, I’d be eating ramen, frozen pizzas, and toast for most of my meals. And we know that none of those are any good for you, so why not just get rid of it all completely?”

Top researchers from around the country have taken to the case of Manning as well. One spokeswoman for a research community based at UCLA had this to say: “It’s certainly shocking initially, but lifestyles for college students are really different. We hope to find out more about this way of living through testing in a controlled environment on this curious case study.”

While it’s unclear how long Manning can sustain his lifestyle of cheap beer and JUUL pods, it’s certainly interesting. Manning had this to say in closing: “All I’m saying here is that I’m living my best life here, people just need to slow down and crack open a cold one with the boys, is all.”