Evan (Money Man) Thue –

Excitement around campus has been undeniable because of a rumor that has been flying around. It is speculated that Nutty the Squirrel, famous NBA Hall of Fame basketball player, nut enthusiast, and University of Wisconsin-Stout alumnus will be returning to campus to coach the University of Wisconsin-Stout men’s basketball team.

When asked about his excitement to return to Stout, Nutty said, inextricable squirrel noises Nutty would then go on to eat the bag of peanuts I had hidden in my bag.

Nutty seemed quite excited by being back on the UW-Stout campus, but you could sense some nervousness in being back as well.

Not only is Nutty excited to be back, but many students are excited for his return as well. Senior Randy Savage said, “Ya brother, this squirrel is going to bring the championships back to Menomonie.” Junior Bob Builder said, “I think that was the squirrel that stole my wallet.”

Star point guard and son of Nutty, Pea Nut Jr. had this to say: “I’m excited to play for my dad, I just hate when he yells at me for missing a free throw. I have to remind him that I’m not as good as him and that I’m two feet tall.”

Pea Nut Jr. has been playing very well for Stout even before his dad decided to coach. Of course, nobody could forget the time he stole a student’s popcorn and preceded to hit the game winning lay-up.

Nut Jr. might have a hard time jumping over opponents because of his height due to the fact that he’s an actual squirrel, but nobody will ever forget his beautiful performance of the national anthem which fired up all 18 fans that were in attendance.

Now with the combination of Nutty and Pea Nut, this year seems like Stout won’t be able to lose there’s no doubt about it.

I promised myself and my editor I would say it, but screw it, it’s down right nuts!

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