DISCLAIMER: This article is Satire (not real/meant to be comical)

Johnny Thunder-

Local thrash metal drummer Andy Rash took the stage at an Acoustic Café  open mic last saturday, starting his new career on a sour note. Rash recently departed from his band, Death in Sleep, over winterm and is now chasing his new passion in solo music.

“This gives me the opportunity I’ve needed to just play freely, you know?” said Rash. “The first time that I mentioned to my ex-bandmate that I was thinking about going solo, he laughed at me.”

Coffee enthusiast Sadie Bartholomew was unlucky enough to be enjoying her mocha when Rash stepped on stage. “It (Rash’s performance) sounded like when bands can’t play their old music anymore so they just sound like a bad cover band,” Bartholomew said.

Rash mimicked the styles of his old band throughout the night and proved to be a weak front man when he stopped one of his songs mid-verse because he couldn’t hit the song’s high notes.

“Andy was one half of what we liked to call the ‘rhythm-less section’ in the band,” says former bandmate Josh Klipper, “There was a reason why we recruited a second bass player to help keep any sort of beat onstage.”

To close out his set, Rash performed a cover of “Don’t Stop Believing” that didn’t sit well with the crowd. “It sort of ruined the song for me,” said passerby Kate Gartner, “I don’t think I’ll be able to get his voice out of my head for a while.”

“I thought my set tonight was great,” Rash said, “Yeah, I broke my guitar string, but it didn’t really matter, who uses the high E anyways?”

Rash stated he does not have any future plans and intends to stay as a solo act for the time being, despite being kicked out of various coffee houses around Dunn County.