Cam Parucci-

After weeks of heated debate between SSA, staff and board members, Chancellor Bob Meyer has declared University of WisconsinStout a Tide Pod-free campus. In a statement made during a press conference, Meyer said this: “It is after heated debate between multiple parties here at UWStout that I am proud to announce this change. To keep our students’ safety and health a priority, we have decided to ban Tide Pods from the university grounds.”

Meyer went on to say, “We know there are many things young people can do that can endanger their well-being and health without moderation, like smoking, drinking or drugs. It is our responsibility, then, to protect our student body from this new threat. These squishy, colorful balls of detergent may look delicious, but should definitely not be consumed. We understand that some people do need to eat Tide Pods, and we will have Tide Pod eating stations on the corners of campus for those who do need it.”

Some members of the community are happy with this change. One student, senior Trisha Anderson, had this to say: “This is a momentous occasion, not for just UWStout, but for the movement that will shake the rest of Wisconsin schools in the coming years. Hopefully, less people will be eating Tide Pods in the future.”

Other students are much less ecstatic about the upcoming change. “This feels like a direct violation of my rights,” says freshman Murray Gonzales, “Look at them. The beautiful shades of orange, blue and white are so tantalizing. They’re basically just really big gushers anyway. First they take our Tide Pods, what’s next?”

While we will not know for certain the lasting effects of the Tide Pod ban, the announcement itself has many students eyeing the future.

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