DISCLAIMER: This article is Satire (not real/meant to be comical)

Evan Thue-

The crowd was roaring louder as it ever has been during the third quarter of the University of Wisconsin–Stout’s game against  University of WisconsinRiver Falls. Typically, the men’s basketball team at UW–River Falls would have held Stout to a much closer game, but not this time. UWStout blew out River Falls all thanks to one person, or should I say animal.

Nutty the squirrel is a famous local squirrel that was recruited by the Stout Men’s Basketball team to help the team out for the 2018 season. What started out as an idea to increase tickets sales has turned the whole community upside down, with the entire school and town going crazy for the little fur ball of fire.

Nutty was discovered by the team late after practice one night when a player forgot his cell phone in the gym. When he entered the gym, he found Nutty shooting half court shots.  

“I was mostly impressed that he was able to get his paws around the ball, but he was actually making shots,” said team captain Ryan Cook.

Nutty’s exceptional play now has the Blue Devils contending for a spot in the conference championship.

“Nutty really helped rally the team when we were down,” said Cook, “He gave us the pep talk of a lifetime when we were down against Eau Claire.”

Cook was speaking of the legendary game that ended with Nutty’s famous half court buzzer beater that had fans carrying him off the court.

Even if UW–Stout doesn’t make the championships, this season sure had its fair share of memorable moments, like Nutty competing in the slam dunk contest, when he scored 43 points for his family who had just lost their tree to a local bird and the time he chased the referee off the court after a bad call.

Nutty’s performance has rallied the team into playing amazing basketball. The plan to recruit a squirrel on the men’s basketball team was not only just crazy enough to work, but outright nuts.


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