Cam “Soul Calibur VI” Parrucci – 

After a record year, UW-Stout’s revenue gained from parking tickets has now surpassed the money pulled in from tuition. While all students pay an excess amount in parking tickets on a yearly basis, the number remains staggering.

According to Stoutonia research, the average number of parking tickets a student will accrue in a year is easily in the double-digits. Many point the finger towards a lack of parking options available on campus. “With 8000 students, and like, 10 meter spots, parking is hard. It’s always a gamble whether or not I get a ticket half the time anyway, if anything, it’s their fault for making me a gambling addict, if you think about it.”

The authorities seem to think otherwise. In a public statement issued by the University, the press release pushed blame elsewhere. “It’s a matter of getting to the spots available as fast as possible. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, baby. Keep making us that bread, students.”

The parking situation appears to be unfixed as of now with no immediate changes in the near future, as it continues to print money for the campus.

Our advice is to just walk.